A Letter To My Future 30-Year-Old Self

Dear Muthoni,

I am writing you from the age of 26 –  4years prior to the day you decide to read this. Within my next 4 years, I expect that a lot is going to happen. I am sure that you can attest that a lot has.
I have many goals and aspirations, just as I am sure you still do.

Whether they are the same, or vastly different, I want to let you know that it is okay. Whether they are the same because I have not yet accomplished them, or they are different because I have accomplished them and it's time for the next step, or they're different because I simply changed my mind somewhere along the way – all of these are okay.

I want you to know that even where I stand now,  I understand that life happens. Life has a way of paving its own path for us whether it is the path we had imagined or not.

So far in life things have been pretty simple. Decisions have been easy and the path has seemed well lit and easy to follow. While I am enjoying the stroll now, I am anticipating the winding turns and forks in the road that you have already experienced. While I am nervous, I can't help but be excited. Do you remember your first big decision? Have I already made it and I just don't know it yet?

I want you to know that I understand you may have some regrets. Though we live by the cliché, “no regrets," I know it is hard to live 30 years without thinking about some things you could have or should have done differently. This is okay. I expect this and I forgive you. After all, we also live by the cliché, “everything happens for a reason." Don't think about me or what I would think if I saw you now. I would think that you are human.

I hope you’re still in love with audio and the magic of it. I hope you still genuinely enjoy what you do and are learning something new every time. I hope your name is somewhere in the credits of movies or tv shows and that makes you feel proud and complete. At this point, I can’t imagine what success feels like, but I’m hoping you do.

I hope you’re  still happily married to your best friend and have a healthy and happy relationship. I hope the magic doesn’t die after a few years and that you still feel like a hopeless, romantic teenager from time to time. How does it feel to be a wife? Is it weird to wake up next to the same face everyday? Did I learn how to compromise? I could never really picture how those things worked, but I’m hoping you have it all figured out by now.

Are you a mom now? Do you still think babies are cute? Whenever it happens, I hope it was your decision and that it didn’t get in the way of any other goals.

 I hope you’re still ambitious and driven. I hope you still don’t want to settle and instead always strive for more. I like to believe that I can be great at what I do and won’t settle for whatever is easier. It would be nice to look back and realize I wasn’t just being young and naive. Although life just happens, I hope I don’t forget what I fell in love with when I was young that inspired me to have a somewhat odd career.

I hope the world is a little better, or at least that it didn’t get worse. Although I have been lucky enough to live a good and happy life, there are a lot of problems with the world right now. Climate change, politics, war, and hunger not only worry me, but make me wonder whether something can be fixed or if things are bound to only get worse. I like to be hopeful and think that when I have kids one day, I can bring them into a world that is a little bit brighter than what it currently is now.

I hope you learn how to keep friendships in your life despite the distance. Who are your friends now? I wonder what wonderful and horrible people I will encounter in the next few years. It’s hard to picture new people coming into my life at this point, but I hope I always appreciate people that don’t stay forever while doing my best to keep those whom I love in my life.

Lastly, when life catches up and loses it’s magic, look back and remember what it felt like to be 20.  I hope that despite where life takes me, and whatever happens through the years, you still feel the same. I hope you feel proud of what you’ve accomplished and excited for what’s to come. I hope life continues to get better every year. I hope I’m wiser, more understanding and more patient than now.

I hope despite it all, I’m still a hopeless romantic and optimistic 20-year-old deep down inside.

 A lot can change in 4 years and I won't hold my current plans or aspirations against you. In fact, though I hope to be successful as most everyone does, even if you aren't that is okay too. Life is a process and last time I checked 30 was the new 20.

My point is, I don't have expectations for your life. My only expectation is that you are happy, have always worked your hardest and have never lost your faith. Happiness is a choice. Whether you are living in California, Texas, New York or you are still stuck in Nairobi – happiness is a choice. You may be working as a journalist, maybe you have moved on to PR (that is the plan right now anyway), or maybe you are still struggling to make your big break. As long as you have always worked hard and tried your best, I am so proud of you.

In case you have lost and forgotten the spunk and zest for life that your 20-year-old self had, here is a reminder: Never stop taking risks. Never stop speaking your mind. Be the first person at the party to dance when no one else will. If you haven't already, travel and experience the world. Stop making excuses and go for what you want.

I am proud of where you stand, but I don't want it to be where you stay. Make moves and never stop growing. Never lose your faith and always be nice to the parents.  While I do not have expectations for your life, I have expectations for you as a person. Never forget who you are or who you were at 25

 Yes, trust the Universe. Many times, you will challenge the path that the universe is showing you. You may be bursting with questions and doubts but just proceed with faith and everything will turn out better than you had planned. And sometimes if you are really out of resources and feel lost, just surrender yourself to the good hands of the Universe. Amazing things will happen.

I guess nothing I say will be able to prep you for the decade to come. But I will leave you with one question: How would you live if you knew things will be ok, and that you will be blessed and supported to create the life you want?
Now go enjoy the ride and let your light shine.

xoxo