Relationship Rooted in Best Friendship
How many times have you heard, “He’s my best friend,” in response to the
question, “What’s your relationship secret?” Couples who have been
married 30, 40, even 50 years report that their lover is also their best
friend. And even 19th century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche
said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes
unhappy marriages.”
And this isn’t just anecdotal evidence. It’s also backed up by research. A 2014 working paper from the National Bureau of Economics found that couples who said they were each other’s best friends were happier, and reported higher life satisfaction, than couples who considered someone else to be their best friend.
“Maybe what is really important in a relationship is friendship, and to never forget that in the push and pull of daily life,” said John Helliwell, one of the study’s coauthors.
It takes a commitment of time and investment in another person to get to the place where you consider him or her your best friend, and this fact alone goes against what most people think makes a great romantic relationship. Things like instant chemistry and that can’t-get-my-hands-off-of-you type of passion.
In many instances, when the romantic passion wanes, so too does the relationship. But according to research, both scientific and anecdotal, it’s beyond the passion where you truly experience the benefits of a happy and healthy relationship.
Can you remember a time when your friends saw red flags in a romantic relationship while you were blinded to them? That’s the passion taking over. Your friends were picking up on compatibility issues that you weren’t able to see because the chemistry you felt didn’t allow you to view your relationship in the same way you’d view a happy, healthy friendship.
The key to being able to see the red flags yourself is to evaluate your partner by whether you could see him or her becoming your best friend.
Now that the President Obama’s presidency has passed, there will be a lot of analysis about his time in office. People will debate about his political wins and woes. But there’s one part of his public life that doesn’t need any debate at all—his and Michelle’s amazing example of what great love is.
Barack and Michelle have been married for over 24 years.
They first met when Michelle was asked to be Barack’s advisor at a law firm where she was already practicing law and he was a summer associate. After several failed attempts from the future president to get a date, Michelle finally gave him a shot at romance.
For their first date, Barack planned a date night out on the town.“I took her to the art museum, at the Art Institute,” he later said in an interview. “I was trying to impress her and show her I was a culturally sensitive guy, and it worked.”
They were married October 3, 1992. And though their wedding day was long ago, they still remember their lifelong promises to each other.
Here’s what we’ve learned about living up to marriage vows and friendship from Barack and Michelle:
Build a marriage based on mutual respect and admiration.
At a glance, it’s easy to see how impassioned Barack and Michelle feel about one another. Their love is palpable and it’s because they fell in love based on who they are at their cores, not other superficial reasons like his likelihood for career success or her boundless beauty.
“When I first met Barack, we started dating, he had everything going for him,” explained Michelle at a Morgan State University speech. “All right, ladies, listen to this. This is what I want you to be looking for.
Yes, he was handsome—still is. I think so. He was charming, talented, and oh-so smart, truly. But that is not why I married him. What truly made me fall in love with Barack Obama was his character. You hear me? It was his character. It was his decency, his honesty, his compassion and conviction.”
Support each other.
Life is going to throw you curve balls and what can make or break your relationship is how you deal with those unexpected life circumstances together. The support of your partner, and having each other’s back, are some of the most fulfilling aspects of a committed relationship.
“It’s not as if Michelle is thinking in terms of, ‘How do I cater to my husband?’ I think it’s much more ‘We’re a team, and how do I make sure that this guy is together enough that he’s paying attention to his girls and not forgetting the basketball game that he’s supposed to be going to on Sunday?” Barak said to Vogue.
Later, on an episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show, Michelle shared a similar sentiment.
“It has to be a true partnership, and you have to really, really like and respect the person you’re married to because it is a hard road. I mean, that’s what I tell young couples.
Don’t expect it to be easy,
melding two lives and trying to raise others, and doing it forever. I
mean that’s a recipe made for disaster, so there are highs and lows.”
Understand your partner’s goals and dreams and help him/her reach them.
Michelle could hardly have known on her wedding day that her new husband would have his eyes set on becoming president. I wonder what that conversation must have been like at the dinner table. The ride to the top must have contained more sacrifices than we can even imagine and through it, Michelle was by Barack’s side, propping him up when critics were cutting him down.
“I do care deeply about my husband. I am one of his biggest allies. I am one of his biggest confidants,” Michelle said in an interview with Gayle King of CBS News.And it goes both ways. In Oprah’s farewell interview with the Obamas, the President said that he was extremely proud and supportive of Michelle’s work while in the White House. “We all knew she was brilliant and cute and strong and a great mom. But I think the way she blended purpose and policy with fun so that she was able to reach beyond Washington, on her health-care initiative and her military family work, it was masterful,” he said.
Commitment is about the little stuff too.
24 years together! Need I say more?“The journey that we’ve taken together, the fun we’ve had, the challenges we’ve faced, the two beautiful children that we’re raising—I kind of give him a pass now when he leaves his socks on the floor or tells that story for the 100th time and wants us to laugh at it as if we first heard it,” Michelle told Ellen DeGeneres.
Practice gratitude and appreciation for each other.
It’s easy to be swept away in the grandiosity of what it means to be President and First Lady of the United States. That could go to anyone’s head fast, but the Obama’s revel in the little moments with each other and never lose sight of their humble beginnings.
Real intimacy, the sticky, lasting kind, occurs when two partners become best friends in love. How does your relationship rate on the friendship scale?
Happy Wednesday People
Love and Light
Muthoni wachira
And this isn’t just anecdotal evidence. It’s also backed up by research. A 2014 working paper from the National Bureau of Economics found that couples who said they were each other’s best friends were happier, and reported higher life satisfaction, than couples who considered someone else to be their best friend.
“Maybe what is really important in a relationship is friendship, and to never forget that in the push and pull of daily life,” said John Helliwell, one of the study’s coauthors.
It takes a commitment of time and investment in another person to get to the place where you consider him or her your best friend, and this fact alone goes against what most people think makes a great romantic relationship. Things like instant chemistry and that can’t-get-my-hands-off-of-you type of passion.
In many instances, when the romantic passion wanes, so too does the relationship. But according to research, both scientific and anecdotal, it’s beyond the passion where you truly experience the benefits of a happy and healthy relationship.
Can you remember a time when your friends saw red flags in a romantic relationship while you were blinded to them? That’s the passion taking over. Your friends were picking up on compatibility issues that you weren’t able to see because the chemistry you felt didn’t allow you to view your relationship in the same way you’d view a happy, healthy friendship.
The key to being able to see the red flags yourself is to evaluate your partner by whether you could see him or her becoming your best friend.
Now that the President Obama’s presidency has passed, there will be a lot of analysis about his time in office. People will debate about his political wins and woes. But there’s one part of his public life that doesn’t need any debate at all—his and Michelle’s amazing example of what great love is.
Barack and Michelle have been married for over 24 years.
They first met when Michelle was asked to be Barack’s advisor at a law firm where she was already practicing law and he was a summer associate. After several failed attempts from the future president to get a date, Michelle finally gave him a shot at romance.
For their first date, Barack planned a date night out on the town.“I took her to the art museum, at the Art Institute,” he later said in an interview. “I was trying to impress her and show her I was a culturally sensitive guy, and it worked.”
They were married October 3, 1992. And though their wedding day was long ago, they still remember their lifelong promises to each other.
Here’s what we’ve learned about living up to marriage vows and friendship from Barack and Michelle:
Build a marriage based on mutual respect and admiration.
At a glance, it’s easy to see how impassioned Barack and Michelle feel about one another. Their love is palpable and it’s because they fell in love based on who they are at their cores, not other superficial reasons like his likelihood for career success or her boundless beauty.
“When I first met Barack, we started dating, he had everything going for him,” explained Michelle at a Morgan State University speech. “All right, ladies, listen to this. This is what I want you to be looking for.
Yes, he was handsome—still is. I think so. He was charming, talented, and oh-so smart, truly. But that is not why I married him. What truly made me fall in love with Barack Obama was his character. You hear me? It was his character. It was his decency, his honesty, his compassion and conviction.”
Support each other.
Life is going to throw you curve balls and what can make or break your relationship is how you deal with those unexpected life circumstances together. The support of your partner, and having each other’s back, are some of the most fulfilling aspects of a committed relationship.
“It’s not as if Michelle is thinking in terms of, ‘How do I cater to my husband?’ I think it’s much more ‘We’re a team, and how do I make sure that this guy is together enough that he’s paying attention to his girls and not forgetting the basketball game that he’s supposed to be going to on Sunday?” Barak said to Vogue.
Later, on an episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show, Michelle shared a similar sentiment.
“It has to be a true partnership, and you have to really, really like and respect the person you’re married to because it is a hard road. I mean, that’s what I tell young couples.
Don’t expect it to be easy,
melding two lives and trying to raise others, and doing it forever. I
mean that’s a recipe made for disaster, so there are highs and lows.”Understand your partner’s goals and dreams and help him/her reach them.
Michelle could hardly have known on her wedding day that her new husband would have his eyes set on becoming president. I wonder what that conversation must have been like at the dinner table. The ride to the top must have contained more sacrifices than we can even imagine and through it, Michelle was by Barack’s side, propping him up when critics were cutting him down.
“I do care deeply about my husband. I am one of his biggest allies. I am one of his biggest confidants,” Michelle said in an interview with Gayle King of CBS News.And it goes both ways. In Oprah’s farewell interview with the Obamas, the President said that he was extremely proud and supportive of Michelle’s work while in the White House. “We all knew she was brilliant and cute and strong and a great mom. But I think the way she blended purpose and policy with fun so that she was able to reach beyond Washington, on her health-care initiative and her military family work, it was masterful,” he said.
Commitment is about the little stuff too.
24 years together! Need I say more?“The journey that we’ve taken together, the fun we’ve had, the challenges we’ve faced, the two beautiful children that we’re raising—I kind of give him a pass now when he leaves his socks on the floor or tells that story for the 100th time and wants us to laugh at it as if we first heard it,” Michelle told Ellen DeGeneres.
Practice gratitude and appreciation for each other.
It’s easy to be swept away in the grandiosity of what it means to be President and First Lady of the United States. That could go to anyone’s head fast, but the Obama’s revel in the little moments with each other and never lose sight of their humble beginnings.
Real intimacy, the sticky, lasting kind, occurs when two partners become best friends in love. How does your relationship rate on the friendship scale?
Love and Light
Muthoni wachira
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